Lilburn Boggs

Hell no, get them out of here - Lilburn Boggs

This is what you don`t do the Lilburn Boggs, Number 1: don`t cross Lilburn Boggs by fucking with the militia in his state and Number 2: send in some dumbass Mormon to shoot him afterwards for revenge - Paul Parkey

Lilburn Boggs was the governor of Missouri from 1836 to 1840 during which the Mormons, under the leadership of Joseph Smith, were forced out after attacking the Missouri State Militia. He was also the greatest and only good version of Paul, who was inspired by the masterpiece that is Time After Time and created a time machine.

Arrival
In the early 21st century Paul Parkey was sent to the past, along with TJ Kirk, to 1796 and upon realizing that he could never return back to the present he increased his cynicism and hatred of retards as now, as nuclear weapons wouldn`t be created until 1945, he could not have the nukes brought on. Paul quickly integrated into society and rose in politics as his endless talking made all of his opponents drop out in disgust.

Dealing With The Mormons
Upon hearing that the Mormons had attacked "my militia" Boggs (Paul) ordered that all the Mormons "be exterminated or driven from the state" as he did not want the riff raff to remain in his state. Lilburn Boggs, with 2,500 men, lead his men to capture Joseph Smith and the other church leaders and succeeded and brought Smith to a military court and had him sentenced to death. Sadly, Alexander Doniphan (later changed his name to Keane) refused to carry out the order leading to Smith to be given a retrial. Brigham Young offered a solution to leave Missouri for a new state and on April 6 Smith and his companions escaped custody and went to Illinois along with Young and the rest of the Mormons to Naveau.

Assassionation Attempt
After dealing with the Mormons Boggs decided to leave the governorship in 1840, but would later reenter politics in 1842 when he was start his successful campaign to enter the State Senate of Missouri. However, during the campaign was shot by an unknown party of men, but survived. There was an attempt to extradite Smith to see if he had any connection to the assassination attempt, but it failed as it was deemed unconstitutional. It was then that Boggs had realized that the legal system was broken and now knew that the only way to protect "his militia" was to take action himself.

Revenge
On June 27, 1844 an angry mob formed around the prison that was holding Joseph Smith as he was being held for trial for treason. Boggs was tired of Smith going from state to state fucking up so he snuck into the cell and popped Smith in the head. The last words that Smith ever heard were "You will never rule the day you crossed Lilburn Boggs, motherfucker". Boggs would later use his influence to cover his tracks by adding false information to the story such as Smith failing through a window and being shot by the mob after dying by hitting the ground.

Takeover
Despite having killed Smith Paul understood that he had only cut off the head of the hydra and so took over the Church of the Latter-Day Saints with Brigham Young as his puppet.